I’ve been thinking about this, whether there is any recipe for my personal happiness in the moment. Happiness in the moment is something different from overall life satisfaction, maybe a topic for another day. Anyway, here is what I have come up with.
- Sleep. Enough sleep, and quality sleep. I’ve always had some trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and I don’t have all the answers. Keeping a set routine most of the time, including weekends, helps. Winding down for an hour or so before bed helps (not always under my control with the life of a working parent). Podcasts and audio books can help for those nights when the mind just doesn’t want to settle down. A quiet, dark, cool bedroom and comfortable bed help (again, not always under my control, although I have taken to sleeping with earplugs at times.)
- Coffee. Surprising to see this at #2? For me it’s the only 100% reliable antidepressant out there. I often wake up feeling like the world is not such a nice place, and 30-60 minutes after I have my coffee, it feels like a much nicer place. More coffee is not better, of course. 1-2 cups, at about the same time each day, works for me.
- Exercise. Anything including stretching or a walk can provide a temporary mood pickup, but consistent exercise several days in a row really seems to improve my mood. It doesn’t have to be long – maybe 20-30 minutes – but it does have to involve some heart pumping, heavy breathing, sweat and/or sore muscles to maximize this effect for me. Part of the effect of exercise may be that it reinforces good sleep.
- Down time. I think the introvert/extrovert framework is a useful way to think here. For extroverts, spending time with friends and family may count as down time. For me, it does not. I love my friends and family, and I don’t want to live my life in solitary confinement, but for me some alone time is non-negotiable to feel my best. Reading, thinking, ideally some time in nature or at least outdoors. Ideally it would be at least an hour a day, a day a week, and a weekend each month. The latter two have been impossible in middle aged working professional family life, but I grab the alone hours and moments where I can. I know however that my mental health is never what it could be if I could slow down and have more time to myself. Perhaps if I live long enough to retire…but it’s sad to look forward to the later stages of your life. Such is the supposedly modern world we have created for ourselves.
That’s it! There are many other things that might help at the margins. Good nutrition certainly. Meditation. Power naps. I do not oppose the light recreational use of alcohol and possibly other substances, in particular to enhance that down time that is in such short supply. And of course professional help is out there and worth trying for many people. I’m sure I could come up with a long list here. But none help that much without nailing the top 4.
Finally, it helps me to think of high and low moods as being like the weather. High and low moods will come and go. Sometimes there is no obvious reason for them. You can’t predict them with certainty, and you can’t expect to control them all the time even if you do everything perfectly. Following the “Top 4” things above improves the odds considerably I think, but there will still be bad days and occasionally weeks. So on those emotional “rainy days”, it is okay to slow down a bit and just remind yourself that the bad weather will pass.