In this Open Culture article, Jerry Seinfeld describes three keys to success as “Transcendental meditation, lift weights, espresso.” Compare this to my “four keys to happiness in the moment”: sleep, coffee, exercise, and down time. I am not claiming my keys will work for everyone or that, obviously, I am as successful as Jerry Seinfeld.
This is a unique way to share a reading list. Essentially, this book “prescribes” other books for a range of moods and perplexities. I haven’t read it but it would be fun to go through and see how many I have read, how many are on my list of too-many-books-to-read-before-I-die (I am middle aged but not yet terminal that I know of), and how many I do not think would be worth reading as I budget the hours of earthly reading time remaining to me.
The Novel Cure: From Abandonment to Zestlessness: 751 Books to Cure What Ails You
The Novel Cure is a reminder of that power. To create this apothecary, the authors have trawled two thousand years of literature for novels that effectively promote happiness, health, and sanity, written by brilliant minds who knew what it meant to be human and wrote their life lessons into their fiction. Structured like a reference book, readers simply look up their ailment, be it agoraphobia, boredom, or a midlife crisis, and are given a novel to read as the antidote. Bibliotherapy does not discriminate between pains of the body and pains of the head (or heart). Aware that you’ve been cowardly? Pick up To Kill a Mockingbird for an injection of courage. Experiencing a sudden, acute fear of death? Read One Hundred Years of Solitude for some perspective on the larger cycle of life. Nervous about throwing a dinner party? Ali Smith’s There but for The will convince you that yours could never go that wrong. Whatever your condition, the prescription is simple: a novel (or two), to be read at regular intervals and in nice long chunks until you finish. Some treatments will lead to a complete cure. Others will offer solace, showing that you’re not the first to experience these emotions. The Novel Cure is also peppered with useful lists and sidebars recommending the best novels to read when you’re stuck in traffic or can’t fall asleep, the most important novels to read during every decade of life, and many more.
As an enrolled university student for about three more days, I have access to the Financial Times. The Financial Times did an analysis of World Happiness Index and found that young people across English-speaking countries (US, Canada, UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand) are sadder than people in Western Europe. Well, that was the headline anyway, but when I look at the graph it is really just the US and Canada that are the outliers, with the US far worse (of course). US people are very, very sad in their 20s and 30s, and then start to cheer up a lot in their 40s. Of course, this is a snapshot in time and it doesn’t actually mean today’s young adults will cheer up, or that today’s older adults were not cheerful when they were younger. Anyway, this author concludes young people are sad because they don’t own houses. I don’t know, I have owned and rented, and both caused me different forms of aggravation and sadness. But not being able to afford the lifestyle you feel you want or deserve, or conversely stressing yourself to the breaking point so your family can just barely afford it, is a recipe for unhappiness. So it may be true that housing affordability is a good indicator of happiness even if not the root cause. And as for old people, of course they own those high-value houses and that makes them happy! Sure, they have to pay property taxes on those houses, and they complain bitterly about paying taxes. They also go to those NIMBY meetings and complain bitterly about new housing construction that might create more supply for young people. But remember that complaining bitterly is also a thing that makes old people happy! (Sorry, I just got ambushed by a very grumpy older relative over something I have no control over, housing related in fact, and I am feeling grumpy myself as I sit here 44 days before my 50th birthday!)
I’ve been thinking about this, whether there is any recipe for my personal happiness in the moment. Happiness in the moment is something different from overall life satisfaction, maybe a topic for another day. Anyway, here is what I have come up with.
That’s it! There are many other things that might help at the margins. Good nutrition certainly. Meditation. Power naps. I do not oppose the light recreational use of alcohol and possibly other substances, in particular to enhance that down time that is in such short supply. And of course professional help is out there and worth trying for many people. I’m sure I could come up with a long list here. But none help that much without nailing the top 4.
Finally, it helps me to think of high and low moods as being like the weather. High and low moods will come and go. Sometimes there is no obvious reason for them. You can’t predict them with certainty, and you can’t expect to control them all the time even if you do everything perfectly. Following the “Top 4” things above improves the odds considerably I think, but there will still be bad days and occasionally weeks. So on those emotional “rainy days”, it is okay to slow down a bit and just remind yourself that the bad weather will pass.
According to this article, there is some evidence of a decline in male fertility since the pandemic, and this is on top of the known long-term decline in male fertility. For one thing, the virus actually infects the testes themselves. But another thing I didn’t know (or never thought a lot about) is that hormones originating the brain have an important effect on sperm production, so a drop in sperm production might not indicate a physical problem with your testicles themselves.
This article also says that when couples have trouble conceiving for biological reasons, about half the time the problem originates in the male and about half the time in the female. This kind of makes sense. I suspect chemicals in our air, water, and/or food, combined with the stress and time-constraints of modern urban, industrialized life.
Other things that certainly affect fertility rates in a social sense are educated and employed women coupled with (lack of) policies to support families and childcare. I believe pressure on men to work long hard hours to support a family financially somewhat obviously has an effect here too, but maybe this is controversial to some.
If I didn’t have to work quite as long and hard at my testicle-shrinking job, I could spend more time with my children or help more with housework. You can work, help with children, have a great marriage, help care for aging relatives, and maximize your own mental and physical health, but there are some tradeoffs between these desirable objectives for both men and women. The decline of multi-generational households and extended family living close by certainly doesn’t help. There may be no return to the past, but as we lose these aspects of our culture we may need public policy to step in and help fill the gap. In the U.S. at least, that isn’t happening, and we are all standing around scratching our heads as to why we have to give up aspects of our lives (like our health, and strong marriages!) just to keep the whole house of cards from collapsing.
My high school actually had a mandatory class on transactional analysis, a model of human interactions developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s. I didn’t find it particularly helpful at the time, and haven’t heard much about it since then. But it is interesting:
At the heart of Berne’s model are three ego states that live in each of us: the Child (the most natural, vulnerable, and spontaneous part of our personality, keeper of our creative vitality and our most unalloyed capacity for pleasure); the Parent (the part of us that unconsciously mimics the psychological responses of our parents as we observed them in childhood); and the Adult (the competent and self-possessed part of us capable of making sound decisions in our best interest). All three coexist within us, and all three play into our social interactions…
But beyond the simplest and most complementary exchange — one Adult issuing the stimulus, another Adult giving the response — most of social transactions are a chaos of mismatched and ever-switching ego states. The confusion — the wounding — happens when the lines of communication cross and the interaction becomes not between two people in parallel and consistent ego states, but between one part of one person and a different part of the other: Child-Adult, Adult-Parent, Parent-Child, and all the other possible non-equivalences. This basic pattern, a diagram of which became the book’s cover, is what defines a game — “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome” — a patterned, self-defeating psychological interchange, in which one ego state issues a stimulus concealing the emotional need of another ego-state, then receives a response to the hidden message and reacts negatively to it, frustrating both parties and garbling communication in a way that injures intimacy.
The Marginalian
If I were going to give my younger self advice, I would say don’t assume you know what other people are thinking. Even when you are interacting with others, your thoughts and emotions usually have to do a lot more with what is going on in your own mind and body than theirs. So don’t assume you know what they are thinking or what their intentions are, or what type of reaction they are trying to elicit from you. That’s sounds like funny advice – don’t ascribe intentions to people. People certainly have intentions, but when you try to guess what they are you will often be wrong. See listen and observe, think, and then make up your own mind. Even if they do have malign intentions, which happens more rarely than my younger self would have thought, you still have some control over your emotional reaction and near total control over your own behavior. If you are a person who can be quick to anger, like my younger self, it is better to walk away from the offending person and take some time to reflect than to react in the moment. Some people will take this as a sign of weakness or “nonassertiveness”, but I have learned that reacting in anger is usually unpleasant for everyone, including me, and I tend to regret it later. I will confront that person later in a more rational frame of mind, if I feel the confrontation is worth it, but often I decide it is not. So pick your battles carefully, younger self, and there are not too many battles worth picking.
Most frightening and/or depressing story: Mass shootings are often motivated by suicidally depressed people who decide to take others with them to the grave.
Most hopeful story: For us 80s children, Top Gun has not lost that loving feeling.
Most interesting story, that was not particularly frightening or hopeful, or perhaps was a mixture of both: Taser drones? Seriously, this might have been my most interestingly random post last month. I’ll try to do better.
From a not-yet-peer-reviewed study:
An April 2022 study conducted by researchers from the Virginia Commonwealth University, University of Colorado Boulder, and the Urban Institute, analyzed provisional government statistics that showed that overall U.S. life expectancy is now 76.6 years — the lowest figure in 25 years.
This drop comes after life expectancy plummeted from 78.86 years in 2019 to 76.99 years in 2020, according to the researchers. The net loss of 2.26 years was the biggest one year fall since at least World War II, NPR reported…
It noted that even though the Black and Latino populations had bigger drops in life expectancy in 2020, this did not continue into 2021. Life expectancy among Latinos did not change significantly in 2021, and marginally went up in the Black population. In contrast, the life expectancy of white people, mostly men, declined slightly.
Snopes
We have heard about “deaths of despair” – suicide, drugs and alcohol – increasing among white men, so maybe this was the indirect effects of the pandemic coming home to roost.
Trends in life expectancy are a useful metric because they are a pretty objective measure of overall human wellbeing in society – encompassing some mix of physical and mental health, work life balance, child welfare, nutrition, environmental conditions like air quality, car accidents and other accidental deaths, etc. But individual life span is a very personal thing, as I try to convince my parents in their 70s. The fact that you are close to or over the average means you have already survived many things that are causing some people to die young and pull down the average.
Friday, February 25, 2022: resisting…urge…to…comment…on…current…events…I know…nothing…about… (just to pick a random example, the ongoing war in Ukraine)
Extreme heat not only affects our bodies, which we knew, but it exacerbates mental illness too, according to this study in JAMA.
Everybody knows shooting deaths go up when it is hot. I always assumed that people tended to be outside interacting more, especially if they don’t have air conditioning, and that young men in particular just have less to do in the summer months. But maybe there is more to it than that.
I am in favor of legalizing drugs, taxing them, and creating a universal health system able to deal with substance abuse and mental health issues. I believe this would result in a big reduction in violence and the prison population almost immediately. It turns out there is a ballot measure in Oregon to decriminalize possession of small amounts of all types of drugs (which hasn’t been voted on as I write this, but probably will have been when this posts.)